AARON SPELLING AND PATSY RAMSEY - TOGETHER AT LAST! IN A GODDA DA FILLER, BABY How proper, and even poetic, that Patsy Ramsey -- mother of much-mourned child beauty-corpse Jon-Benet -- should be killed by her own womb. Or, if you're one of those people who thinks there's a chance the parents didn't do it themselves, it's darkly ironic. Either way, it seems worth mentioning. And speaking of corpses, yer old pal Jerky was sad to learn that Charlie's Angels of Death have escorted Aaron Spelling to that big Love Boat cruise in the sky… or was it a Fantasy Island in Hell? Let's keep our fingers crossed that old Aaron doesn't get too severely punished for unleashing crap like Vega$, Hart to Hart and Tori onto an unsuspecting world. Once again, "paranoid conspiracy theorists" have proven to be ahead of the journalistic curve. After years of playing down the issue and poo-pooing the threat, authorities in England are now announcing that the number of people sickened by Mad Cow Disease will ultimately turn out to be far worse than originally revealed, as will be the societal ramifications. Makes you wonder if they're about to come clean on the origins of Morgellons and the true nature of Chemtrails! This website lists the names, rank and "deviated preversions" of more hypocritical Republican sacks of shit than you can shake a diseased, pus-dripping cock at! Notice to the producers! Here's yer old pal Jerky's blurb for the Road To Guantanamo theatrical release poster, as promised: "It's the feel-bad hit of the summer!" I expect the check to be forthcoming. Season two of The Venture Bros. premieres tonight -- Sunday, June 25th -- at 10:30 PM on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, immediately after a repeat of the previous season's finale. Don't miss it! Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY June 21 On this day in 1939, baseball hero Lou Gehrig is diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease. Sweet Christzilla on a crutch... what are the freakin' odds?! On this day in the year 1964, three civil rights workers -- Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney -- disappear while driving back to New York in the middle of the night. 44 days later, their dead bodies are discovered in an earthen dam where their Klan-affiliated murderers, including some members of the local constabulary, had buried them. What did these three men do to deserve such a fate? They were getting black folks to register for the vote in Mississippi. 41 years later to the day, one of the murderers has finally been brought to a pale kind of justice. On this day in 1969, homosexual icon Judy Garland dies in London at the age of 47, in a freak avalanche. Seems she was singing in the shower when she hit a high note that triggered a chain reaction, sending all the pills in her medicine cabinet plunging into the bathroom, crushing her. On this day in 1989, the U.S. Supreme Court rules that Constitution allows for flag burning as a legitimate form of protest. Conservatives continue to try and make it illegal, however, because it makes for "great optics" and propaganda fodder.

THEY SAID IT! "We now have allowed a system of counting our votes to be presented to us as a system that does it accurately, when it has manifestly been proven that it can be monkeyed with… and the results tampered! It seems to me if we have any bedrock notion in this country it ought to be that the votes ought to be fully and fairly counted. I just think that's… wow… if we can't agree on that one, this country's farther down the division the road then I think we are." - Small-d-democracy warrior Brad "Bradblog" Friedman finds a new friend in right-wing radio host and occasional Rush Limbaugh stand-in (!!!) Roger Hedgecock. *** **** *** "What if the next burger you ate was created in a warm, nutrient-enriched soup swirling within a bioreactor?" - Frankly, as long as it tastes good, yer old pal Jerky doesn't give a fuck.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Nan or Ben! A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Kerusty for sending in today's second joke. An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula. "Fuck off!" she screams, "Those are for the funeral!" WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Trembly Dale... A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something 'exciting' and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class ... and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so 'exciting' about a period?" "Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning my sister was 'missing' one. My Mom fainted, Daddy put his fist through the wall, and the boy next door joined the Navy."

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: HOW TO COPY AND SAVE YOUTUBE AND GOOGLE VIDEOS! care of: Friendly Neighborhood Computer Doctor Cheese meister! I got the technique to SAVE and KEEP YOUTUBE (and google) videos. Here's the simplest procedure -- it's finding the big file in your internet temp and renaming and moving it. Easy peasy really. Now is everyone listening 'cos here's a great tip from me which I worked out the hard way! For MSIE users: First off, it's best to clear out your cache, so do this: Click Tools, then Internet Options, then under Temporary internet files click "Delete files". This will clear out your cache which makes finding what you want w-a-y easier... Now, on the same window, you'll see the Settings button. Click it, then click View files. You're now looking at your MSIE cache contents. Click "OK" and "OK" again to close the settings windows. At this point it's just a matter of copying the file you want from there. It may have some weird name but you can pick the one you want by the sitename associated with it. Mostly they'll copy as a .wmv or a .swf or whatever but some (and I think this was Youtube's problem) may show as something weird like "R_a6tVW5ktI" so won't be so obvious so right-click the file & copy it to your desktop. It'll show as get_video[1] so just rename it to whatever you want BUT with an .flv extension and voila! There's your video clip. You'll need a freeware FLV player too. I find this the best way to grab videos that don't have direct download links. A lot of the time websites don't reveal direct links so searching the page source won't help... You've got to be sneakier. Anyway - it works OK a lot of the time with streaming clips too, but for difficult cases I use WM Recorder and Replay Screencast. Converting it to an avi/mpg or something can also be accomplished. BTW the big Youtube file that is found needs to be renamed to .flv and you need a flv player like Google Video or Riva. This is the en-re-coder. Here's their FLV player, and here's Google's. - Friendly Neighborhood Computer Doctor [Thank you, sir! - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Jerky -- So didja hear? Not only have they assassinated the evil al Qaeda boogyman, Zarqawi, but they just so happened to find his computer notes, too! In them, Zarqawi apparently laments about the 'fact' that the insurgency is not going well because the Americans are doing so much to thwart the 'terrorists'. Wow! What a boon for the Bush Administration! At a time when support for the war is virtually non-existent outside Washington and no one believes any progress is being made, here's the proof! Typed up in block letters right there in black & white - from Zarqawi's laptop no less! How fortunate for Bush & Pals that they found exactly what they were looking for to show that progress is being made in Iraq. But seriously, is this some bullshit or what? - Jack [Dude, Zarqawi has died, like, three times in the last five years. Who knows whether ANYTHING about him is true? - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey, MOP Jerky, Did it take those Thais 4 years to find out about your remarks about their King or have they been threatening to kill your fat ass all this time? YOP Kenny "B" [It took them four years. But that's all over now. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky! I used to be subscribed to the html version of the Daily Dirt. I enjoyed it immensely. My ISP sold to another company and they "filtered it out" for me. I had a run-in with the postmeister, and he agreed not to filter any of my stuff - in or out - anymore. I just got my first Daily Dirt after so long and it is all links. Will you be doing a html version? Man... I thought you were dead. Glad to have you back in my inbox. Clair [We don't put out an HTML mailer anymore. It doesn't get through. Just make us your homepage, maaan! Welcome back, anyway. - Jerky] *** **** *** RFK Jr. is attempting to prosecute the architects of the 2004 election fraud. I personally don't care whether anyone gets prosecuted, at this point, (no one will anyway), what concerns me is getting rid of the voting machines. RFK's first comment in this piece is startling and disturbing, but it, obviously, sums up the consensus of millions... "I had not paid much attention to this issue." ??? WAT DA FUCK! After Novembers of 2000 and 2002, still no attention paid to this issue? Well, at least he went out and got his give-a-damn fixed, the give-a-damn collective on Capitol Hill is still broke. YOPG [Pop-pop-pop, munch-munch-munch. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; Is there any chance that the chickenhawk leaders we have might see some connection to the mutilated bodies of the two kids just found in Iraq and their torture policies? Nan or Ben [They're more likely to see it as justification. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky, Can you smell that? All you have to do is sniff the cork and easily determine that this bullshit is of poor vintage. I guess good artists are hard to find these days, bullshit and otherwise. By the way, Cardina's piece was priceless, your comeback was even better. Oh, yeah, she forgot to say "how suck you are". LMMFAO. YOPGessier [It's damn peculiar, that's for sure. - Jerky] *** **** *** To you idiot, As you wrote about Thailand without respect, so if you think you are cool enough so just go to Thailand and say what the mother fucker you want to say in Thailand publicly. DO it!! Jerk idiot ass hole stupid fucking wild animal. You can say whatever the damn rude to Thai King only here in the U.S. idiot ass hole. The Thai King is more than Thai people father. We respect him. If you don't respect your dad and your mom so don't act the same way to others that will show your stupid narrow mind idiot. One more thing if you think you have to do anything only if you can do. Why don't you go eat your shit and lick your dog's ass? Or go to the hell. Do not come across to the home land of Thailand! Or you’ll be killed like a homeless hairless dog! And nobody's care. You are the disease of the U.S. community. PK [It's over, asshole. Move on already. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com